Here is where you vent

Girl, can we be real for a minute?

And I mean REAL. Not the cute, inspirational-quote, “I’m unbothered and thriving” kind of real. I’m talking about the kind of real where you’re laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, replaying conversations in your head, wondering how somebody who once made you feel so special can now make you feel like you were never that important to begin with.

Yeah, THAT kind of real.

Because breaking up with somebody isn’t always as simple as blocking their number, deleting their pictures, throwing away the gifts, and telling everybody you’re done.

Sometimes, you can be done with a person and still miss them.

Sometimes, you know somebody wasn’t good for you, but you still wish things could’ve worked out differently.

Sometimes, you’re not even missing the person as much as you’re missing the version of them you met in the beginning. The one who made you laugh, made you feel wanted, made you feel like maybe—just maybe—this time you had finally found somebody who was going to stay.

And whew, girl. That part will mess with your head if you let it.

Because now you’re not just grieving a relationship. You’re grieving the future you imagined, the conversations you thought you would have, the memories you thought you would make, and the version of yourself who genuinely believed this was going somewhere.

And nobody really prepares you for that part.

Let’s Talk About the Part Nobody Wants to Admit.

Girl, sometimes we stay emotionally attached to people who have already shown us they aren’t capable of loving us the way we need to be loved.

We make excuses. We give grace. We try to understand their circumstances. We tell ourselves they’re busy, they’re healing, they’re going through something, they have a lot on their plate.

And listen, I’m all for compassion. Life is hard. People go through things.

But at what point do we stop being so understanding of everybody else that we become completely inconsiderate of ourselves?

WHEN DO WE GET TO MATTER, TOO?

When do our feelings get considered? When do we stop accepting confusion as communication and inconsistency as something we just have to tolerate?

Because, baby, you can have compassion for somebody’s struggles without volunteering to be collateral damage in the process.

You can understand why somebody is the way they are and STILL decide that their behavior doesn’t work for you.

Read that again.

You do not have to hate somebody to walk away from them.

You don’t have to prove they’re a terrible person. You don’t have to expose them, embarrass them, or make them regret losing you.

Sometimes, all you need to know is that the connection is costing you too much of your peace.

And that is enough.

The Hardest Part Is Accepting That You Might Never Get the Closure You Want.

Let’s be honest, girl. Sometimes, we want answers.

We want to know what changed. We want to know why the energy shifted. We want to know how somebody could make us feel like we mattered one day and leave us questioning our worth the next.

We want the conversation. The explanation. The apology. The moment where they finally acknowledge what they put us through.

And sometimes, we keep that door cracked open because we’re secretly hoping they’ll come back and give us the ending we deserved.

But what happens when they never do?

What happens when the apology never comes? When they never explain themselves? When they move on like nothing happened while you’re over here trying to put your heart back together?

Girl, you have to learn how to close a chapter without the other person handing you the final page.

I know. Easier said than done.

But their inability to give you clarity does not mean you have to spend the rest of your life searching for it.

Sometimes, the closure is accepting that you were sincere, you showed up with good intentions, and things still didn’t work out.

Sometimes, the closure is admitting that you wanted more from somebody who wasn’t giving you more.

And sometimes, the closure is deciding that you are no longer available for situations that leave you questioning where you stand.

You deserve to feel secure in your connections, too.

Girl, Stop Romanticizing the Bare Minimum.

I’m saying this with love because I’ve had to sit with some uncomfortable truths myself.

Sometimes, we get so attached to the potential of a person that we start treating the bare minimum like a blessing.

They call us, and we’re excited.

They text back, and suddenly our whole mood changes.

They show us a little affection after days of distance, and we convince ourselves that maybe things are finally turning around.

Girl, do you hear us?

We start celebrating crumbs because we remember what it felt like when the whole loaf was being offered in the beginning.

And before we know it, we’re no longer asking whether this person is right for us. We’re just hoping they’ll choose us again.

That is a lonely place to be.

Because while you’re busy trying to figure out how to get somebody to see your value, you’re slowly forgetting that your value was never supposed to be up for negotiation.

You should not have to audition for a consistent place in somebody’s life.

You should not have to become less emotional, less expressive, less needy, less yourself just to make somebody comfortable enough to stay.

And you definitely should not have to pretend that you’re okay with less than what you genuinely want.

You can want love. You can want commitment. You can want affection, communication, reassurance, and somebody who actually follows through.

That doesn’t make you desperate.

It makes you human.

The goal isn’t to become a woman who doesn’t need anybody. The goal is to become a woman who no longer abandons herself just because she wants somebody else.

Moving On Is Ugly Before It Becomes Beautiful.

Let me tell you something, homegirl: healing is not always pretty.

Some days, you’re going to feel strong. You’re going to wake up, get dressed, handle your responsibilities, laugh with your friends, and realize you haven’t thought about that person all day.

And then, out of nowhere, a song comes on.

Or you see something that reminds you of them.

Or it’s late, you’re lonely, and your mind starts replaying the good memories.

And suddenly, you’re right back in your feelings.

Please don’t beat yourself up for that.

Healing isn’t a straight line. Missing somebody doesn’t automatically mean you should go back. Having a sad day doesn’t mean you’ve lost all your progress.

You’re a human being with feelings, memories, and a heart that might need a little time to catch up with what your mind already knows.

Let yourself cry if you need to.

Journal about it. Pray about it. Talk to your homegirl. Take yourself on a date. Go for a walk. Put your phone down when you feel tempted to check their page.

And if you need to block the number because every notification makes you hope it’s them, BLOCK IT.

Not to be petty. Not to get a reaction. Not to make them wonder what you’re doing.

Do it because you need room to breathe without constantly reopening a wound you’re trying to heal.

You are allowed to protect your peace without making a public announcement about it.

And please, stop measuring your healing by whether you still think about them.

Measure it by what you do when you do.

Do you still chase the explanation, or do you let the unanswered question remain unanswered?

Do you still accept the same behavior, or are you finally holding your boundaries?

Do you still make their attention the center of your day, or are you slowly learning how to bring that attention back home to yourself?

THAT is progress, sis.

What If Losing Them Is How You Find Yourself Again?

I think one of the hardest things about relationships is that sometimes we get so wrapped up in trying to make them work that we forget to check in with ourselves.

We forget what makes us happy outside of being wanted.

We stop pouring into our own dreams because we’re too busy trying to figure out where we stand with somebody else.

We spend hours analyzing texts, decoding behavior, replaying conversations, and trying to understand why somebody’s feelings seem to have changed.

Meanwhile, our own lives are waiting for us.

Our goals are waiting.

Our peace is waiting.

That woman we were before we started losing sleep over somebody’s inconsistency? She’s still in there somewhere.

And maybe moving on is about meeting her again.

Maybe it’s about learning how to enjoy your own company without feeling like something is missing.

Maybe it’s about becoming comfortable with quiet evenings, taking yourself out, building the life you’ve always talked about, and no longer needing romantic attention to feel beautiful or worthy.

Maybe it’s about realizing that you can be a woman who deeply desires love while still creating a life that feels meaningful when love isn’t present.

Because, girl, your life cannot stay on pause waiting for somebody to decide what they want.

You have things to do.

You have places to go.

You have a version of yourself you’ve been dreaming about becoming.

And you deserve to give her a chance.

And No, You Don’t Have to Hate Them to Move On.

This is important.

You don’t have to rewrite the entire relationship as a mistake just because it ended.

Maybe there were good memories. Maybe you genuinely loved them. Maybe they taught you something about yourself. Maybe there were moments when you were happy, and you don’t have to deny those moments just because things eventually fell apart.

Two things can be true at once.

You can appreciate what somebody meant to you and still recognize that they are no longer the right person to have access to you.

You can wish them well without wishing to be with them.

You can forgive somebody without reopening the door.

And you can love the memories without volunteering for another round of the same heartbreak.

Moving on doesn’t require bitterness.

Sometimes, it simply requires acceptance.

Acceptance that the relationship ended. Acceptance that you cannot control another person’s choices. Acceptance that love, even when it’s genuine, isn’t always enough to make two people compatible or ready for the same thing.

And acceptance that your next chapter deserves more than you repeatedly revisiting the last one.

A Little Reminder for My Homegirls Who Are Still Healing.

If you’re reading this with a heavy heart, I want you to know something.

You are not behind because you’re single.

You are not undesirable because somebody didn’t choose you.

You are not foolish because you believed somebody’s promises.

And you are not weak because walking away hurts.

You were hopeful. You were invested. You wanted something real.

There is nothing embarrassing about having a heart that wants to love and be loved.

Just don’t let disappointment convince you that you need to become cold to survive.

You can become wiser without becoming bitter.

You can become more selective without becoming emotionally unavailable.

You can learn from what happened without punishing yourself for what you didn’t know back then.

And you can still believe in love without giving every person who comes along unlimited access to your heart.

The next time somebody enters your life, you don’t have to rush to see their potential. You can slow down and observe their patterns.

You can let their actions introduce them.

You can ask yourself whether you feel safe, respected, considered, and at peace.

You can stop trying to prove that you’re worth loving and start paying attention to whether the person in front of you actually knows how to love you.

Because the goal isn’t just to find somebody.

The goal is to build a connection where you don’t have to lose yourself to keep it.

My Final Thoughts, Girl to Girl. 💗

If I could sit across from you right now, with our drinks on the table and absolutely no judgment in the room, I’d tell you this:

Please don’t spend so much time mourning somebody else’s inability to show up that you forget to show up for yourself.

I know you wanted it to work.

I know you might have pictured a future with them.

I know you may still have questions, and I know there might be a small part of you that hopes they come back one day with the apology, the clarity, and the effort you wanted all along.

But you cannot build your future around the possibility of somebody changing their mind.

You have to live your life in the reality of what is happening now.

And if they’re no longer showing up for you, you can stop waiting at the door.

You can grieve. You can cry. You can have your moments.

Then, little by little, you can begin choosing yourself again.

One day, you’ll realize you aren’t checking their page anymore.

One day, you’ll realize their name doesn’t carry the same weight.

One day, you’ll talk about what happened without feeling like you’re reliving it.

And one day, you’ll understand that moving on wasn’t about proving that you could live without them.

It was about remembering that you had a life, an identity, dreams, and a future before them—and all of those things still belong to you.

So, homegirl, take your time.

Don’t rush your healing to impress anybody. Don’t jump into another relationship just to prove you’ve moved on. Don’t settle for the next person who gives you attention simply because you’re tired of being alone.

Give yourself the love, patience, and grace you’ve been hoping somebody else would give you.

And when you’re ready to love again, let it be because you want to share the life you’re building—not because you’re looking for somebody to rescue you from the life you’re living.

You are allowed to start over.

You are allowed to change your mind.

You are allowed to choose peace, even when your heart still feels attached to the chaos.

And you are allowed to believe that something better is possible without knowing exactly when or how it’s going to arrive.

Because, baby, this breakup might be a chapter in your story, but it does not get to be the whole book.

Close the chapter when you’re ready.

Cry if you need to.

Pray if you need to.

Rest if you need to.

But please, whatever you do, don’t give up on yourself just because something didn’t work out with somebody else.

Your story is still being written.

And this time, I hope you remember to make yourself part of the happy ending.

With love, honesty, and a whole lot of healing,
Learning to love myself, one chapter at a time. 💗